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November 22nd, 2006

On the back of a Want Want Spicy Rice Craquelin set of 20 pack, you will find something to the effect of the following message:

"If it enters mouth or eyes, wash thoroughly and see a doctor immediately."



Other strange quotes:

"Double your intelligence or no money back!"
- Gary Larson cartoon

"Learn Engrish from verily good Zimbabwe professorzorz!"
- Nowhere in particular

"Have you seen this cheese sandwich? Please help, children crying."
- Muse magazine

"We apologise for the slowness for the new computer system."
- Phnom Penh airport

November 19th, 2006

Agatha Christie's Poirot

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It's wonderfully boring in Cambodia, so what I do sometimes is sit in front of the TV and watch DVD after DVD. There's one mystery that I find particularly interesting.


Agatha Christie's Poirot: The Classic Adventures
Cards on the table


Right, this has to be the most interesting suicide ever.

This rich guy, Mr. Shaitana, in the course of his travels, finds out about 4 different people who have commited murders in their lives before and have managed to get away with it.

For reasons unknown (probably tired of life, or I didn't watch the episode properly), he decides to commit suicide. So, he invites the 4 people, as well as 4 different detectives to his house for a dinner. Over dinner, he goades the 4 killers, and after that places the four killers and detectives in different rooms to play bridge. Knowing that at least one of the killers would come and murder him due to their fear in being found out, he drinks a sleeping solution so that he would feel no pain. Eventually one of them does kill him. Yeah, something like that.

I know you probably don't understand my narrative. Sorry if you don't.

November 15th, 2006

My Holiday! Hurrah!

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Hi kids! Welcome to the Uncle Bobo's show! Are you ready to sing? Come on, let's go!

HAHAHAHA! I bet you thought I had gone insane! Actually I'm in Cambodia now for a holiday. It's pretty boring. I mean, I've been here 6 times before!

Anyway, I shall now torture you by giving you a totally inaccurate account of plane ride there...


A Ride on Silkair MI 006
A short story
By the self-acclaimed novelist Darth_Eddie


Once upon a time, I decided to take a plane ride to Cambodia for no particular reason. So, I mugged a hapless passerby with my nuclear-powered spatula and relieved him of his plane ticket.

On the day of the departure, I took my backpack and went to Changi Airport Terminal 2. After checking in, I went on to empty my Swiss bank account on Mars Bars at the Watsons there. How I did that is still a mystery to me, as I do not know where the Watsons is there.

Eventually I bordered the Silkair plane, which was bought second-hand from Air Uganda. As the plane rattled when the passengers filed on, I observed the scenes of chaos that pervaded the unfortunate aircraft. Babies tried to calm their irate mothers as Godzilla devoured a nearby AirFrance truck. A Palestinian was engaging in a shootout with some Israelis somewhere across the world too.

The plane took off at the speed of a disembowled snail and promptly flew into a hurricane. Luckily, we only lost an engine and a large portion of the economy class. Following that, the plane had to go into a barrel row for 15 minutes as the captain attempted to dodge a Pyongyang nuclear missile test. Continuing on, the pilot interrupted the rickety flight only once, apologising for the turbulence.

Before long, the plane crashed onto the tarmac of Phnom Penh international airport, narrowly missing the grass. I sighed. What an uninteresting flight that was. I sighed again. And again. Gradually I got bored and left the plane. End.


Footnote: Yoda is indeed a puppet. Therefore, he is a relative of King Kong.

November 14th, 2006

Why should you fight a war?

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Why Fight a War?


Countries and empires have often fought nice battles over the years for many reasons. Some were for worthy causes. Most of them were fought over petty nonsense. Some of these causes are explored here.

Land
Some leaders in history have the certain mentality that their country does not occupy enough space to make themselves comfortable. For example, Alexander the Great felt claustrophobic in his tincy-wincy Macedonian Empire which only covered about half of the known world at that time and so spent the rest of his sorry and sad life trying to conquer the rest.

Land is a very nice thing to fight over. Without it, you cannot build Disneyland, theme parks, game arcades, palaces, more disneylands, more theme parks, more game arcades, and more palaces. Oh, did I forget theme parks? Other than that, more land means more war, and more stuff to pass the time.


Personal Gains
All country leaders are evil and want only stuff for themselves! The greatest example in history is in the present! George Shrubbery invaded Iraq (pronounced i-RACK) for oil, the whole oil, and nothing but the oil, just because he was too cheap to go to the Esso gas station down the road to fill his Honda! See? We should burn the Bush! Down with Bonsai! Down with Topiary! Ni!

Personal gains have been part and parcel of the war, not just for the high ranking people, but also the infantry grunt. Marines were rushing onto the beaches and getting slaughtered by machine-guns because the Ford Motor Factory promised a free car to the first 100 marines to land on Tarawa. What losers.


Alcohol
Everybody who fights a war will get drunk at least 30 times. You see, a raving, drunkard group of Allied soldiers who don't know what's happening will be more likely to cross a field covered with mines, falling artillery shells, machine-gun posts, and intoxicated Germans than a sober, alert group of Allied soldiers. The same applies vice versa, but not for the Russians as they have the habit of making friends with the vodka bottle within 5 minutes for 5 years. Once, a Soviet artillery commander fired 120mm shells into a supply shed because the suppliers there wouldn't give him his vodka. Alcohol business becomes the most lucrative business during the war and the most influential one too.


Landmarks
Landmarks are special features in the world. They are sometimes causes for disputes, especially during early wars. The cavemen tribe Gruntsnorklegrunt decimated the enemy Gruntsnorklesnorkle tribe in the rather unimaginatively named Gruntsnorklegrunt - Gruntsnorklesnorkle conflict in the land of Snorklegruntsnorkle. They were warring over the Gruntgruntgrunt waterhole and a dead mammoth by the name of Snorklesnorklesnorkle.

Of course, the most famous battle over landmarks known to most Sec 1 RI boys is the second mission in the Hittite campaign in the Age of Empires trial, where you have to capture a miniature version of Stonehenge. You can actually win the mission with just the scout calvary, just rush it to the structure that looks like a pool surrounded by several pieces of black plasticine.

November 10th, 2006

(no subject)

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You won't believe how many corrupted files you'll find for the palm OS.

I have had to restart (i.e. wipe entire memory) my palm 14 times due to corrupted files.

Damn!

November 9th, 2006

Midiclorian Count

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Has anyone seen the Midiclorian count on supershadow.com? Well, I think it's a bit off.

Look at this:
Average Jedi = 10,000
Jacen Solo (New Jedi Order novels) = 9,000
Jaina Solo (New Jedi Order novels) = 9,000

Hello

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*appears*

*disappears*
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